If your love was a lake
I would teach myself to swim
and if it was a weight bench
I would quickly join a gym.

If your love was darkness
I would stay out of the light
and if your love was light
then to the sun I'd take a flight.

If your love was T.V.
I'd be a faithfull viewer
and if it was an evil wrestler
I'd be the loudest boo-er.

Even if your love was dirt
you'd see how deep I'd dig,
and if your love was music
I would do a little jig.

If your love was food
I would eat till I was full
come back ten minutes later
and grab another bowl.

If your love was stolen
I would kill the man that took it
sorry 'bout that last line
I know it sounds a little crooked.

If your love were drugs
without question I would take 'em,
And if your love was handicapped parking
I'd take my legs and break 'em.

If your love was AAA
I'd puncture all my tires
If your love was heat
I would set myself afire.

If your love was a painting
it would be a work of art
I'd stare at it forever
or until my sight went dark

If your love was hairless
I would be the one to shave it
and if it was ever in danger
you can bet I'll come to save it.

But of all the things I've mentioned
to pretend your love could be
the thing I'd love the most
is for it to be here,

with me.