Things My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're hit by a car."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My mother taught me about CONSEQUENCES - "You can run now, but you'll have to come back sometime!"

My mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."